Whatever Happened to 2014?

Admittedly 2014 got off to a rough, heartbreaking start - not just for me, but for someone I loved as well.  I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that the rest of the year seemed to follow suit.  Plenty of highlights and happy moments, most of which were overshadowed by a number of great losses that I know will continue to take some time to recover from.
I'd like to think that 2015 will be better but I suspect the shadows of this year will be cast long into the next. Broken hearts take time and space to heal and at this point in my life I know better than to rush into making any decisions. And there is no rush - I've begun to realize that a partnership based on love may not be in the cards for me.  Perhaps it's time to be more practical and economical about 'love'.
I'm probably being a bit hard on myself and on my heart - it's the time of year for that.  When the holidays roll around and you have a 'free' week between Xmas and New Years there is obviously a tendency to reflect more.  As I said, 2014 was a rough one for the heart.  So I suppose it's no great surprise that my reflections would lead me down a sad, melancholic path.
I can only hope that 2015 will be a better, brighter year for both of us.

What Do You Own?

Does anyone recall?  Is it better to be the owner of a lonely heart than a broken heart?  Or the owner of a broken heart than lonely?

And how would you know the difference?

Loving Every Inch of Hedwig's Anger

During mum's most recent trip to the city I decided to splurge on tickets for us to see the Broadway production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch starring one of our favorite actors from Dexter and 6 Feet Under. 

I knew that the show was going to be good - countless friends and reviews had indicated that it was a spectacular show and while nowhere near as intimate as it's previous incarnation as a bar performance in random East Village gay bars, still something to behold.  

Walking out of the theater both my mom and I were completely in awe of what we just saw.  To say the performance was electric would be a vast understatement. I would highly recommend checking it out - and see Michael in it if you can.

 

All By Myself..... Gonna Be....

It was my two year anniversary this month - or rather it would have been if my last relationship had worked out. We had finally begun talking again some but he got upset and decided that we should stop talking.  I suppose it's only fair as I did the same to him when it first came to an end but I was hoping that we could begin to reconnect in some manner.
I often wonder if I should be trying to make some grand gesture to try and salvage our relationship.  There is no question in my heart that we loved each other.  But were we right for each other? Was it the right time for us?  Or I guess to be more honest, was it the right time for him? Being a student and young, without having your feet quite under you yet is a difficult time. When I think of all of the couples who tried to maintain relationships during this phase of their life only to end up breaking up.
Being alone is what I do best anyhow. I know that I am difficult to date myself.
Drunk writing - I don't reccommend it.

Big Changes

There are big changes afoot in my life - hopefully for the best although it's hard to say where everything will net out.  After many years my best friend, along with his husband, will be leaving our apartment.  The Beaverhausen is currently looking for a new occupant although I would be lying if I didn't say that I was worried about finding somebody new.  It's a beautiful place and quite large for NYC, but it's out of the price limits for most and many people in this range would prefer to live on their own or at least with somebody that they know.

Everything was very different a year ago, when I was in love and in what seemed long a solid, long-term relationship. At that time I assumed the two of us would move into the larger apartment and that my good girlfriend would move into my space, or alternatively that we would rent the room out on Air BnB.  

Now that has all changed.  A and I broke up in July after what could only be described as a difficult 2014. I miss him and frequently wish that we could try to work it out, but there is no doubt that being in a relationship was holding him back from pursuing his dreams and I couldn't live with that knowledge.  

My girlfriend is on the cusp of moving to San Francisco to be with her boyfriend of many years and the thought of trying to facilitate an AirBnB situation on my own is daunting, never mind the legal implications.  

One could argue that perhaps it is time for me to consider moving, but I do love it here and have finally taken so many big boy steps in furnishing the space.  It would suck to have to give all of that up.

Finding a new roomie won't be easy considering the time of year and all the factors stacked against me, but for now I'm giving it a try and seeing what comes up.  

Regardless the changes will be significant and it's frightening considering the magnitude. I know I will survive but I am very curious as to what direction I'm headed a month from now.